Published on December 24th, 2012 | by Gavin Jones0
Twas the Knight Before Christmas…in Gotham
It’s Christmas time and the Sidekicks have been gettin’ phat, dropping the old school seasonal rhymes for the masses…or at least a Batman-centric rendition of Twas the Night Before Christmas. For once we managed to keep it safe for kiddies, it is Christmas after all, so why not sit back with the family, get granny propped up, pour yourself a stiff drink, score some side boob from the wife and listen to The Sidekicks perform Twas the Knight Before Christmas…in Gotham.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the hizouse
Not a hero was stirring, not even mighty mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Batman soon would be there.
The Sidekicks were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of the Joker danced around in their heads.
And Dan in his neckerchief, and I in my hat,
Had just got off our brains whilst waiting on the bat.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like The Flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw out my stash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Made the Bat-Signal Glitter with a magical glow.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a giant figured Bat, decked out in Bat-Gear.
With a clink of a grapple, so lively and quick,
I knew right away it must be The Bat & his Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Robin! now, Azrael! now, Alfred and Jim!
On, Nightwing! On, Huntress! on, Batgirl and Tim!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As swift as swooping Bats in the night do they fly,
When they meet with evil doers, it’s time to do or die.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With a belt full of Toys, and Batarangs too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little yoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Batman came with a bound.
He was dressed as a Bat, from his head to his foot,
And he was armed to the teeth even in a knife in his boot.
A dark flowing cape he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a nightmare, all dressed in black.
His eyes-how they pierced! his muscles how they ripple!
His body was like granite, with even a little Bat nipple!
His droll little mouth was drawn down like a bridge,
And the symbol on his chest was black with a yellow ridge.
A clutch full of comics he held in his hand,
As they all encompassed the Bat’s special brand .
He had Year One and The Dark Knight Returns,
And even a copy of While Gotham City Burns!
He was moody and grim, a right gumpy old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his belt,
And giving a tap, up the chimney he went!
He sprang to his Wing, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”